Fear, anger, confusion, relief, humility, joy, bloodlust, adoration, sadness, sorrow, grief, disillusionment. I was not there. I did not experience the tumultuous series of events that led to one of the most significant events in all of history. I was not there. The jumble of emotions that would be stirred up in several people over the course of a few hours are not mine first hand. I was not there. My home was not used to host the final Passover meal Jesus shared with His disciples to introduce to them the new covenant. I was not there. My body was not made whole after it had been damaged by an untrained swordsman in the middle of the night. I was not there. My life was not inexplicably released from a well-deserved death sentence as a result of another’s arrest and sentencing. I was not there. My hands were not full of splinters and my shoulders were not strained from the rough, heavy, and awkward wooden cross. I was not there. My nose did not fill up with the scent of burial spices, perfumes and salt filled tears. I was not there.
In this dark hour when Jesus was betrayed, arrested, tried, sentenced, and crucified there were people who were present, who witnessed the culmination of prophecy before their very eyes, who experienced Jesus in some very unique ways. There was the homeowner who for some reason had a large room empty and waiting to be occupied by the Lamb on the day of salvation. What was he feeling that day? Was he excited, joyful and perhaps a bit humble knowing that Jesus was taking what he had to offer and was going to use it for His purposes?
How about the servant of the high priest? This person, guilty only by association, was actually disfigured by clumsy Peter—who was most likely looking to do more than cause a flesh wound. Was he confused? Terrified? Angry? Certainly he was thankful. Perhaps he was filled with awe and maybe even worship when he found himself healed and made whole by the one his master came to arrest.
Barabbas the murderer most assuredly was someone who was actually relieved and overjoyed about the outcome of the evening. He was set free! Released from the consequences of his heinous actions all because Jesus took his place.
I wonder how it felt for Simon from Cyrene as he was randomly picked out of the crowd to bear the emblem of suffering and shame that belonged to Jesus? Was he resentful for the strain put on him? Did he feel like the weight of the cross was too much for him to carry? Did he wish Jesus would take it from him and bear it himself?
Lastly I think about the women who followed Jesus and served Him through the tears and the hardship of seeing His body go through such trials and tribulation. Were they angry at all those who abandoned Jesus? Did their sense of duty push aside the grief and sorrow they felt when it seemed all hope was lost?
I was not there, and yet in a sense I was. Like the upper room, my heart was empty and waiting to be filled by Jesus 22 years ago. To this day I am excited, joyful, and humbled to know that Jesus sees fit to love me and use me for His purposes to His glory. Like the servant, I have experienced the confusion, pain and anger brought on by being wounded by someone else’s careless actions. I have also thankfully been restored and healed by Jesus, whom I am in awe of. Just like Barabbas, Jesus took my place and saved me from the penalty of my sin even though I am very much aware that I do not deserve to be released from the consequences of my actions. But God has shown me grace and I too know freedom because of Jesus.
Yet, I too know what it is like to suffer for the sake of the cross. It is not always an easy path following Jesus, but it is one worth walking. There may be times when I may be battered or bruised or I feel like I want to give up, but through it all I know I must keep focused on the fact that my saviour suffered for my sake more than I ever could for His. And like the women who prepared the burial spices for Jesus, there are times when I witness the body hurting or going through difficulties, there are times I see some people walk away from Jesus. Despite all this I know that I must continue to serve through the tears. My Lord deserves to be honoured.
-Darren Bute
(Youth Pastor)